The Paranormal Part Two: Séances and Stage Hypnotists

Never ever believe a friend has your best interests at heart when he invites you to a séance. 

In my primary school days I was great friends with a boy who lived in Titchfield Road, Troon.  For some unknown reason he and his brother believed it was fun to throw hard plastic skittles at me.  They thought I was chicken when I ran away. I assumed we had got past that when they kindly invited to join them for a magical event in their darkened candle lit garden shed.  Once inside I was horrified to find that it was a séance.  Was I brave enough to stay?  I decided to prove my mettle there and then. 

We all sat inside asking ‘is anyone there?’ and moving the glass around the table.  Suddenly the glass leapt up and dangled in the air.  I raced out the door screaming hysterically only to see the brother on the roof pulling on thread. 

I believe everyone else was in hysterics. 

I do though believe in hypnosis.  In the late seventies and early eighties stage hypnotists were in their prime.  The Great Scrodini was in a show I attended in Girvan.  Clasping your hands together tightly then attempting to separate them was the usual starting point.  My hands wouldn’t budge and I believe I made a prat of myself on stage riding the Grand National and giggling at a naked audience.  The master of them all, however was a guy called Robert Halpern.  He was the Derren Brown of his day. 

During a post rugby international pub crawl a crowd of us decided it would be fun to see what all the fuss was about.  Halpern was doing a 13 week stint at the Caley Picture House on Lothian Road.  One of our group, Stuart, seemed to be deeply affected.  At the break however he sat munching on his popcorn swearing that he believed he hadn’t been hypnotised at all.  Halpern reappeared and shouted ‘come and join the party.’  Stuart leapt up, sending the popcorn flying and bounded onto the stage.  During that hilarious half hour he ate a raw onion fully believing it was a juicy red apple.  Even in the taxi home stinking of onion he still swore it was the best apple he had ever tasted.  He finished the show as flat as a plank of wood, balanced on two chairs by his ankles and his neck with Halpern sitting off the floor on top of him.  

At the Glasgow Pavillion Halpern used to bring a wee wooden horse onto the stage in front of some hapless hypnotised Glesga punter.  ‘When you wake up you will see a beautiful stallion.  It is your stallion and you just won the Derby on it.  There is someone sitting on your horse.’  SNAP!  ‘ Hey you! Get aff my feckin horse!’  

I’m sure Halpern believed he could do anything until the dark night I ran into him. 

I was running back from town to Saughton Mains Drive when I spotted a fire in some flats Saughton Avenue off Gorgie Road.  The smoke was billowing from the roof but no one was around and most lights in the building were out.  I flagged down the nearest car which happened to be a Rolls Royce with Robert Halpern in it.  I pointed at the flats and he swiftly got on his huge car phone to the emergency services.  There then followed a bizarre scene with me in running gear and Halpern in a dinner suit running up and down stairs waking the residents.  People in dressing gowns were pouring out into the street, some asking Halpern for his autograph, others believing they had been hypnotised.  Two fire engines appeared horns blaring and lights flashing.  Everything seemed to be under control so I moved to the rear of the crowd when I heard someone say ‘ don’t be daft, its that b**ger Wullie whose left his immersion on again!’  Turns out it was steam not smoke coming from the roof. 

I ran off into the night but I do believe Halpern’s career went downhill after that. 

Footnote:  You might, as I did, wonder what happened to Robert Halpern.  It seems that he wasn’t all he appeared to be.  Allegedly he liked to gamble (up to £10k at a time), became bankrupt, was allegedly gay and there were further allegations of inappropriate behaviour.  He certainly had a 3 month driving ban at one point.  He also wasn’t insured for his act and wasn’t even a member of the voluntary body The Federation of Ethical Stage Hypnotists.  A girl at the Pavillion jumped off the stage under hypnosis and fractured a leg.  Shortly after, the then Glasgow District Council banned all stage theatre hypnotist acts.  Halpern quite literally disappeared.  Last year, his son, who hadn’t seen him in 21 years, rather sadly posted a message asking his whereabouts.  Some say he passed on but no one knows for sure. 

I believe he is still running from Lothian and Borders Fire Brigade.